Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
We got so high we made milksteak
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
