I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
