the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
