Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
