Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
