Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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