So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize