My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
