dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
