you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
