I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
