i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
