remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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