so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
