I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
