i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
