im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just invented taco cereal.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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