In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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