The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
