Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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