Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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