Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
