My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
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