She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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