all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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