I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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