At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
