In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
