He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
