i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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