This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
pray to the hookup gods
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
