I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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