I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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