All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I want to have your abortion
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
