He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize