I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
