I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
