you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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