She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
my shit smells like andre
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
