you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
