why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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