I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize