I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
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