Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
