i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
