Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
