You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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