i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
