Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Randomize
