thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Can Purell be used as lube?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
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