these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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