walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
