Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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