Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
