remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
