you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
