Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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