Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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