when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize