FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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