she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize