The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
