I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The uberlube is also flammable
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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