the new term for farting is butt boxing.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I feel like a drive thru vagina
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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