Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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