in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I just got carded by a ten year old.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
