How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
