GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
