Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
