the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
