I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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