he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
