I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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