she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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