38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
